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Political Humour

For a humourful example see Paul Martins "After Life" Experience!!

Don't wrestle with pigs: You'll get all muddy and the pigs love it.

10 worst corporate offenders


Paul Martins "After Life" Experience!!

While vacationing on a ranch, Paul Martin gets thrown from his horse, lands on a rattlesnake, gets bitten and dies because the emergency room at the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Martin.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself. He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven.  Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

"But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied Martin".

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse.

Standing in front of it is his Dad, and thousands of other Liberals who had helped him out over the years---Pierre Trudeau, Jean Marchand, Pelletier, St Laurent etc. The whole of the "Left" was there, everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to Martin with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Paul!"

"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Martin, dejectedly. 

"This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just gets better from there!"

Martin takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the GST and Free Trade promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as 
Martin steps on the elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.

So for 24 hours Martin is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Pierre Trudeau never prepared me for this!"

The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Martin reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste, kind of like Sudbury. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.  They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

The Devil comes over to Martin and puts an arm around his shoulder. 

"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Martin, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar, drank booze. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!".

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"

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Don't wrestle with pigs: You'll get all muddy and the pigs love it.

The following is taken from a weekly bulletin by Ralph Milton:

MIRABILE DICTU! - (Latin for "Don't wrestle with pigs!") From Jo Leget, some good country wisdom

* Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
* A bumblebee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
* Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.
* Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
* Don't corner something meaner than you.
* You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.
* The human is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.
* It doesn't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* Every path has some puddles.
* Don't wrestle with pigs: You'll get all muddy and the pigs love it.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.


GOOD STUFF - This from Velia W, who got it from her father-in-law, of Killarney, Manitoba who got it from the author, Rev. Dr. Bev Johnston of Burlington, Ontario.

In the early 1950's, our congregation was trying to raise money to build a new church in Grande Prairie, Alberta.  Every Sunday, several members would meet for coffee at a cafe on the main street to discuss the project and trade friendly barbs. The weekly get-together had been a church tradition for more than 20 years.

A frequent visitor to these sessions was Paddy Croken, a local business leader and devout Roman Catholic. At a time when Protestants and Catholics rarely fraternized in public, his presence was refreshing. Paddy had a wonderful sense of humor, and he quickly learned of our building project.

One day, I received a letter from him:

"Dear Bev: I understand that St. Paul's is planning to build a new church. As you know, it is against my religion to designate money for construction of a new Protestant church. However, enclosed, you will find a sum of money to help tear down the old one. Sincerely, Paddy"

All material is copyright Ralph Milton.

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10 worst corporate offenders

The Center for Media and Democracy  at http://www.prwatch.org/node/3144 hands out spoof awards for the 10 worst offenders as defined below.  Each award is "an instructive example of the ways that industry-funded organizations manipulate information to reach foreordained conclusions"

Eduard

Center for Media and Democracy
520 University Avenue, Suite 227
Madison, Wisconsin 53703
Phone: 608-260-9713
Email: editor AT prwatch.org

This year marks the beginning of a new tradition for the Center for Media and Democracy. To remember the people and players responsible for polluting our information environment, we are issuing a new year-end prize that we call the "Falsies Awards." The top ten finalists will each receive a million bucks worth of free coupons, a lifetime supply of non-fattening ice cream, an expenses-paid vacation in Fallujah, and our promise to respect them in the morning. The winners of the Falsies Awards for 2004 are:

Flacks Attack "Determined Detractors"
Topics: public relations
Source: New York Times, December 27, 2004

BuzzMetrics, a New York-based specialist in word-of-mouth marketing, is among the companies working to tame the internet by going after "determined detractors," which the New York Times defines as "persistent critics of a company or product that mount their own public relations offensive, often online." According to Paul Rand, managing director at Ketchum Midwest in Chicago, "One determined detractor can do as much damage as 100,000 positive mentions can do good." Detractors, he said, can become "reputation terrorists" who have a personal interest in publicly criticizing a company. 

"These are the folks we have to track and stay on top of," he said. "To not do so can cost money."

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Smart ALEC in the Classroom

ALEC's 2004 Report Card on American Education

The American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC), a corporate-funded conservative advocacy group that specializes in lobbying state legislatures for enactment of favorable legislation, has issued a "2004 Report Card on American Education" that provides an instructive example of the ways that industry-funded organizations manipulate information to reach foreordained conclusions.

ALEC's report, which comes packaged with a glossy clip-art cover showing a pencil, ruler and other classroom implements, was authored by Andrew T. LeFevre, the President of LeFevre Associates, a PR/lobby firm based in northern Virginia. It was edited by Lori Drummer, who heads ALEC's education task force, which is "responsible for overseeing the development of ALEC policy related to education reform and school choice programs" - euphemisms for school privatization, which ALEC advocates.

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